How can we overcome self-centeredness? Part 2

“Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.” John 12:24

We are learning from John 12:20-33 how to overcome self-centeredness in our lives. The first way is to seek Jesus (John 12:20-22) and grow closer to Him. As we grow closer to Jesus, we will be more motivated to apply the second way to overcome self-centeredness which is SELF-DENYING SERVICE TO CHRIST (John 12:23-26). The coming of the Greeks (John 12:20-22) stirred Jesus’ heart to its depths. But Jesus answered them, saying, “The hour has come that the Son of Man should be glorified.” (John 12;23). Their coming confirmed that it was time (“the hour has come”) for “the Son of Man” to “be glorified” through the cross. The cross must come before the Greeks can “really come” to Jesus in a spiritual sense. We see interest in Christ extending beyond Jewish circles now as news of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead spreads. When Jesus speaks of being glorified He is referring to His death. To Him, His death would be a triumph, not a tragedy. This is not a kingly glory from people; this is the glory of the cross from the Father. The world views death by crucifixion as a humiliating defeat, but Jesus sees it as a means of glorification.

What about us? Do we see suffering for Jesus as a shameful thing to be avoided or as a God-honoring thing which expresses the power of God working in us (cf. I Corinthians 1:18)? God wants us to set our sights on Christ and His calling in our lives which includes suffering for His sake (cf. Philippians 1:29).

“Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.” (John 12:24). That Jesus’ death is in view here can be seen in the grain of wheat analogy. A grain of wheat must fall into the ground and die to produce many seeds (fruit). So, until a kernel of wheat died, it could not multiply itself. Jesus is the grain of wheat. The word “alone” refers to Christ dealing with Jews alone. It was necessary for Jesus to die to produce life in many others – both Jews and Gentiles in one body. Death was necessary for life and fruitfulness. This idea was foreign to the Greeks.

In the Encyclopedia Britannica, there is an account of a notable experiment at Wolverhampton, England. One grain of wheat was planted and produced several distinct stalks with ears of wheat. Each grain was transplanted. The grains produced by each were again separated and transplanted. In two years, 32,500 grains of wheat were produced from one single “grain of wheat.” Christ’s death would produce a tremendous harvest of Jews and Gentiles!

Why does Jesus use this grain of wheat analogy? I believe one reason is because He wants to address the obstacle that hinders our spiritual growth. Every seed has a shell and a grain inside that shell – an inner and outer nature. A grain of wheat has the potential to produce thousands of other grains on one condition, if the shell “dies” and releases the life that is inside which can produce more plants that will produce other grains. 

When you become a Christian, the Spirit of God comes to live inside you (John 7:38-39; Romans 5:5; 8:9-11; I Corinthians 6:19; Galatians 3:2; Ephesians 1:13-14), but the Spirit is encased in the shell of your “outward man” i.e. your physical body (2 Corinthians 4:16) and sin nature or “old man (self)” (cf. Ephesians 4:22; Colossians 3:8-9). The Spirit of God will never leave you, that’s what the last few verses of Romans 8 guarantees (Romans 8:31-39; cf. Psalm 139:7-10).

But that does not mean that He will be in full control of your life. You have the choice to keep the Spirit of Christ in its shell. It is like pushing the Spirit of Christ into the back seat while you take the steering wheel of your life. In I Corinthians 3:1-3, the apostle Paul gives a name to the believer who is not letting the Spirit of God direct his or her life because the Spirit is still in the seed shell. They are called “carnal”or worldly Christians. How can we let the Spirit take full control of our lives? Christian author Watchman Nee explains:

“As long as this shell does not break open, the grain cannot grow. ‘Unless the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies’ What is this death? It is the action of the temperature and moisture of the earth upon the grain which results in the breaking of the shell. When the shell breaks, the grain grows. Therefore, it is not a matter of whether or not the grain has life, but whether the outer shell is broken.” 1

“Whether our works are fruitful or not depends upon whether our outward man has been broken by the Lord so that the inward man can pass through that brokenness and come forth. This is the basic problem. The Lord wants to break our outward man in order that the inward may have a way out. When the inward man is released, both unbelievers and Christians will be blessed.” 2

Do you understand what he’s saying? He’s saying that it is possible to live your life as a Christian and even do ministry as a Christian in your own strength and not by the power of the Holy Spirit. But two things will always be true: your ministry won’t be very effective, and your life won’t be very satisfying. It is possible as a Christian to live in the outer person, the shell, and not the inner person, the Spirit. And if you are multi-gifted, you will probably be considered a great success. The church will grow, the money will pour in, the books will sell, but lives will not be changed. And deep inside you won’t feel like a success because the Holy Spirit of God inside of you will be telling you the truth. He will be saying, “This is not My work. It is your work.” That is why it is effective from the world’s viewpoint, but it is not effective from God’s viewpoint and that is why you don’t have any joy.

The Lord Jesus then applies this wheat analogy of death leading to life to discipleship. “He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:25). The issue here is rewards, not salvation from hell. The believer who “loves his life” by selfishly living for his or herself, “will lose” the fullness of that life both now and in eternity in terms of the loss of rewards. Living a self-centered life results in losing the very thing we are trying to hold on to. If my life is all about me and finding myself, I will not find the “me” I am looking for. To hate my life means not living in a self-centered way but being a servant of others. The one who lives a life of service in the name of the Lord Jesus will be rewarded in this life and in the life to come.3

Christ goes on to say that “he who hates his life in the world” by making his or her love and loyalty to Christ a priority “will keep it for eternal life,” that is, they will enjoy a deeper and fuller experience of eternal life both now and in eternity. 4  So, the issue is not salvation, but the quality of a believer’s life both now and in the world to come.

When Jesus mentions hating one’s life, He is not talking about self-abuse or mutilation. That would be contrary to His other teachings about loving others “as yourself” (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; cf. Ephesians 5:29). While self-denial is implied in the phrase, “he who hates his life” (cf. Matthew 16:24-25; Mark 8:34-35; Luke 9:23-24), this does not mean we are to deny our humanity which includes our physical and emotional needs.

For example, in a helpful article, Amie Patrick talks about when we go through stressful seasons of life, we may have a greater need for sleep, nutrition, exercise, and emotional refreshment. Denying self does not mean we overlook these needs. She emphasizes that it is important to accept our God-given limits and receive the Lord’s gifts of rest, food, recreation, and solitude which are also acts of worship and obedience. While Jesus was fully human and fully God—He often set aside time in His ministry to be alone or enjoy meals with friends. 5

The expression “he who hates his life” refers to Jesus being a priority in your life over self and the material things “in this world.” Our devotion to the Lord Jesus makes our interests in the material affairs of this life appear by comparison as hatred. Those who are dedicated to Christ will “keep” or preserve that lifestyle for eternal rewards. Our earthly experience becomes a part of “eternal life”in that it contributes to the quality of our future life in eternity. If we put our material things and selfish ambitions ahead of Christ, we will decrease the quality of our life in the world to come.

The Bible teaches that eternal life as a future acquisition is always a reward that is based upon works (cf. Matthew 19:29-30; Mark 10:29-30; Luke 18:29-30; John 4:36; 12:25; Romans 2:7; Galatians 6:7-9; I Timothy 6:12, 19), but when eternal life is presented as a present possession it is always received as a free gift by faith alone in Christ alone (John 3:16; 4:10-14; 5:24; 6:40, 47; Romans 6:23; Ephesians 2:8-9; Revelation 22:17). 6  If we die to self and make Jesus a priority in our lives, we can also experience His quality of life now. So, the way to truly live is to die to self and live to Christ.

Jesus explains further what it means to “hate” one’s life. “If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.” (John 12:26). He is referring to self-denying service to Christ. If you want to serve Christ, you must follow Him. He is to be the number one priority in your life. Just as Jesus denied Himself and died for the world (John 12:27-28a), His disciples are to deny themselves and serve Him. When Christ says, “and where I am, there My servant will be also”in glory and honor is the main idea here as confirmed in the next part of the verse. “If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.” The verb “will honor” (timēsei) refers to honoring faithful Christians with rewards. If you serve Jesus, you will receive “honor” or reward from His heavenly Father. If you want to be rewarded in the future, you must earn it by serving Christ now. Rewards are not a free gift. We must work for them to receive them in the future.

Jesus chose the way of the cross because of His desire to please His Father (cf. Philippians 2:5-11). Likewise, every follower of Christ must face a similar choice of taking the way of the cross. For example, a woman was told that the baby in her womb would be mentally impaired, but she refused the early abortion recommended by her doctors because she believed this would be wrong. An investment salesman lost his job because he insisted on being honest about the risks. And before the revolution in Romania, a lawyer lost his professional status and had to do menial labor because he openly confessed Christ as his Savior. These three Christians chose to take the way of the cross. They took seriously the words of Jesus, “If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me.” These two verbs, “serves” (diakonē) and “follow” (akoloutheitō) are in the present tense and convey the idea of “keep on serving Me” and “keep on following Me.” 8  Disciples of Christ who faithfully serve Him are promised His companionship (“where I am, there My servant will be also”)and those who faithfully serve Him are promised the Father’s “honor.”

The world says to put your material things or earthly life and self, first. It says, “There’s no need to take God seriously.” But if you don’t take God seriously, then there’s no need to take your marriage seriously, or the rearing of your children seriously, or such character traits as submission, faithfulness, sexual purity, humility, repentance, and honesty seriously either. If we don’t take God seriously, if we don’t make Jesus Christ our #1 priority now, it will cost us in the future. Oh, we will go to heaven, but the quality of our life there will be less than it could have been if we took Christ seriously. You see, the things we do now will prepare us for what we do in eternity. How I live on earth now will contribute to the quality of my life in heaven. If I live for Christ now by His grace, death will not interrupt that lifestyle. It will continue in eternity without interruption.

First John 2:17 says, “And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”  John reminds us that the world is passing away and therefore, it is a totally unworthy object of our sinful lusts and longings. If I am a laborer on earth, an architect, a musician, a secretary, a farmer, a teacher, a scientist, a physician – however skilled I may be at any of these activities – none of these designations will survive the present age. The term “abides” (menō) is a fellowship term. The believer who is doing God’s will possesses a lifestyle that will not be interrupted by the passing away of this world. He experiences uninterrupted fellowship with God. He will experience “boldness” at the Judgment Seat of Christ (I John 2:28; 4:17) where the eternal worth of his earthly Christian life will be evaluated (I Corinthians 3:11-15; 2 Corinthians 5:10). But the believer who lives out of fellowship with the Lord does not “abide”forever in that his worldly lifestyle will be radically interrupted when he goes to heaven. His worldly lifestyle will not abide forever. It stops at heaven’s gates. But a dedicated lifestyle to Christ really has no ending. 

Prayer: Father God, thank You for bringing me back to Your eternal perspective in these verses today. As the Lord Jesus approached the time of His sufferings and death on the cross, He began to focus on the outcome of His death. Like a grain of wheat that must fall into the ground and die to produce many seeds, so Jesus had to die to produce life in untold millions of people, including both Jews and Gentiles. In the same way, Father, I need to focus beyond this life to the life to come. Envisioning that future life motivates me to serve You faithfully as a disciple or follower of Christ. As Your disciple, You call me to deny my selfish desires so I may sacrificially serve You by serving others. Instead of living a self-centered life, I am to live a Christ-centered life that will honor both You, Father, and Jesus. And Jesus promises that You will reward such sacrificial service both now and in eternity. As missionary C.T. Studd once said, “Only one life, twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.” By Your grace, Lord, I want to invest in what lasts forever – You and the works You have prepared for me to walk in (Ephesians 2:10). In Jesus’ life-giving name I pray. Amen.


1. Watchman Nee, The Breaking of the Outer Man and the Release of the Spirit, (Anaheim: Living Stream Ministry, 1997), pp. 8-9.

2. Watchman Nee, The Release of the Spirit (Cloverdale: Sure Foundation Publishers, 1965), pg. 11.

3. Dr. Tony Evans, The Tony Evans Bible Commentary (pg. 1795). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

4. See EvanTell’s The Evangelism Study Bible (Grand Rapids: Kregel Publications, 2014), pg. 1180; Robert N. Wilkin, “The Gospel According to John,” The Grace New Testament Commentary [TGNTC], Vol. 1: Matthew – Acts (Denton, TX: Grace Evangelical Society, 2010), pp. 433-434.

5. Amie Patrick, “Self-care and Self-Denial,” The Gospel Coalition at https://www.thegospel self-care-and-self-denial.

6. See Zane C. Hodges, Grace in Eclipse: A Study on Eternal Rewards, (Dallas: Redencion Viva, 1985), pp. 35-56; see Jody C. Dillow, The Reign of the Servant Kings: A Study of Eternal Security and the Final Significance of Man, (Hayesville: Schoettle Publishing Co., 1992), pp. 135-145.

7. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature [BAGD], compiled by Walter Bauer, trans. and adapted by William F. Arndt and F. Wilbur Gingrich, 2nd ed., rev. and augmented by F. Wilbur Gingrich and Frederick W. Danker (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1979), pg. 817.

8. J. Carl Laney, Moody Gospel John Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1992), pg. 228.

Is it selfish to love one’s self?

29 The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31

We see in Mark 12 rising tensions between Jesus and the religious leaders of Israel. After Jesus told a parable of the wicked vinedressers to show how evil Israel’s current leaders were (12:1-12), the religious leaders attacked His teaching three times in an attempt to destroy His credibility and popularity (12:13-34). They first questioned Him about the poll tax (12:13-17), the resurrection (12:18-27), and then the greatest commandment (12:28-34).  

When a scribe asked Jesus “which is the first (foremost) commandment?” of the 613 commands in the Mosaic Law (12:28), I was deeply touched by Jesus’ response. Christ focused on cultivating a love relationship with God, ourselves, and others. He said, “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one” (12:29). The word “hear” means to listen or pay attention. God is saying to us, “Stop what you are doing and hear what I have  to say to you!” This love relationship begins with listening to what God has to say.

Some of us are so busy with life we do not know what it means to be still and hear what God has to say to us in His Word. We cannot cultivate a love relationship with anyone if we do not take time to listen to them. This is true in our marriages, families, friendships, and especially in our relationship with the Lord. When was the last time you asked the Lord what He wanted to say to you? God will not force His way in to our lives. He waits for an invitation to come to us and speak to us (cf. James 4:8). We cannot love God if we do not receive His love for us first. “We love Him because He first loved us” (I John 4:19). We cannot give what we do not possess.

In verse 29, Jesus quoted from Deuteronomy 6:4 when Moses was preparing the next generation of Israelites to enter the Promised Land. The Triune God of Israel (“Us” – Gen. 1:26: Father, Deut. 32:6; Son, Psalm 2:6-7; Spirit, Gen. 1:2) is “one” in essence unlike the polytheistic pagan gods of Canaan. Or another translation of verse 29 reads, “The Lord is our God, the Lord alone is the only one.”  The Lord God of Israel was to be the sole object of Israel’s worship and love.

When we have received (“hear”) God’s love for us, we can then love Him with all our “heart” (emotions), all our “soul” (self-conscious thought life), all our “mind” (thoughts), and with all our “strength” (energy). The Lord is worthy of receiving the very best that we have to give to Him. If someone or something other than God is receiving our very best, then we have set up an idol in place of God.   

Jesus does not stop here. The scribe had asked for the greatest “commandment,” but Jesus gives him a “second” commandment which flows from the first. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (12:31; Leviticus 19:18). The word “neighbor” (plesion) refers to “one nearby.” Our neighbor could be our spouse, children, someone living next door or across the street, a coworker sitting across the aisle, a friend, a church member, etc. What is the standard by which we are to love our “neighbor”? We are to love him or her as we love ourselves.

I have heard sermons on this verse which say it is selfish or sinful to love yourself. But is it sinful to obey Christ’s command here which assumes that you love yourself? Why would Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself if it is wrong to love yourself? Why would the New Testament quote this verse (cf. Matthew 19:19; 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; James 2:8) originally found in Leviticus 19:18 more than any other Old Testament verse if it is wrong to love yourself! This makes no sense!

I would propose that many Christians love their neighbor more than they love themselves. For example, do you talk to your neighbor the way you to talk to yourself when you make a mistake? You might say to yourself, “you can’t do anything right” or “you are such an idiot” when you spill the milk at the table or lock your keys in the car. But would you say that to your neighbor? Not likely. Why do we treat ourselves which such contempt? Whose voice is this that berates us? You might say it is the voice of a perfectionistic parent or preacher. But I think Jesus would say it is the voice of the evil one (cf. Ephes. 6:12; Rev. 12:9-10) who inserts these shame-based lies into our brains when we are wounded by a parent or preacher or some other authority figure.

Some Christian leaders refer to Jesus’ discipleship teachings to promote self-hatred or abuse. When Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me” (Luke 9:23), I have heard some believers teach that self denial means to deny yourself the kindness and love Christ wants you to show to others. But “what” is it Jesus wants us to deny ourselves that keeps us from following Him? I believe one thing that keeps us from following Jesus are shame-based lies that say, “Jesus could never love you for who you are” or “you are not worthy to follow Jesus.” Like Jesus, we are to “despise the shame” (Heb. 12:2) that keeps us from enduring the cross we are to bear in our own lives for the Lord.   

The command “love your neighbor as yourself” assumes that we love ourselves. Isn’t this what the apostle Paul taught when he wrote, “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For one one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (Ephes. 5:28-29)!?! Look at what God is saying to us. No human being in his right mind “hated his own flesh.” Instead he “nourishes and cherishes it.” According to what standard? “As the Lord does the church.” We are to “nourish” (ektrephō = bring up to maturity) and “cherish” (thalpō = warm someone up by nurturing or tenderly caring for them) ourselves just as Christ nourishes and tenderly cares for His church.

When we neglect and/or condemn ourselves, we are failing to reflect Christ’s love for us as members of His church. The purpose of Christ’s love is to purify us and make us more like Him (Ephes. 5:25-27). So if I am loving myself as Christ loves the church, I am becoming more like Jesus Christ. If I am loving my neighbor as myself, I am helping them also to become more like the Savior.

In the diagram above, we see then that cultivating a love relationship with God begins with receiving (“hear”) His love for us so that it will flow over to others. As we receive His love, we learn to nourish and cherish ourselves as He does so we can become more like Him (I John 4:19). So living under God’s love and grace promotes growth (Rom. 6 & 8). Living under the Law or self-hatred, promotes defeat and death (Rom. 7). When we love ourselves Christ’s way, we can then love others with the love He has freely and unconditionally given to us to help them become more like Him (I John 4:20-21).

Conclusion: Is it selfish or sinful to love ourselves? Absolutely not because God commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves. This involves receiving God’s love for us so we can nourish and cherish ourselves in a way that helps us to become more like Jesus. As we become more Christlike, we can then help others to do the same.  

Prayer: Lord God, forgive me for being too busy to stop and listen to what You have to say to me. Sometimes I think I stay busy because I am so afraid to slow down and feel. Thank You for loving me even though I have turned to other things and/or people in my search for Your love. Right now I invite You to speak to me with Your voice of love and truth. Please replace the lies that keep me closed off from You with the truth that opens my whole being to You and Your love for me. I am totally loved by You, Lord Jesus. This warms and nurtures my soul. Forgive me for failing to love myself with Your love. So often I feel like a baby Christian because I have neglected to nourish and cherish myself as You have nourished and cherished me. Please show me how to love myself with Your love so I may love You above all else and my neighbor more fully so they along with me, may become more like You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.