“ ‘Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a pleasant child? For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still; Therefore My heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord.’ ” Jeremiah 31:20
When I was a young boy growing up on a dairy farm in Illinois, one of my most treasured memories was playing catch with my Dad. He nicknamed me Tiger as I learned to throw a football with a spiral and catch it with both hands. With each word of affirmation from my father, I felt seen and valued.
There are four basic needs of every human being from the womb to the tomb and they are to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure. When I played catch with my father, I felt seen. I felt treasured in his eyes. When these four needs are met, there is trust. We feel loved and cared for. We learn to depend on God and others to meet these needs.
But when a man does not have these four basic needs met especially from his earthly father, it leaves him with gigantic holes or wounds in his soul. And he may try to cope with these wounds by medicating them with various behaviors, emotions, and substances called addictions. Addictions are really the pursuit of intimacy. But they fail to deliver. They actually leave us more broken and wounded. But when we experience God’s love in the depths of our souls, the wounds in our souls can be healed.
With this in mind, I want to focus on a single verse in Jeremiah 31. In this chapter of Jeremiah, God is speaking to His broken people whom He was carrying from Jerusalem into captivity in Babylon because of their rebellion against the Lord. But in this chapter He affirms that He still loved His chosen people with an “everlasting love” (31:3a) and would restore them back to the Promised Land in the future (cf. 31:4-40).
What got my attention in this chapter was what God said to the Northern Kingdom of Ephraim in verse 20: “Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a pleasant child? For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still; Therefore My heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord.” This verse speaks to those of us who long to be fathered by God. You are a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ (John 1:12), but you have been wounded and you want to know that God sees you and values you.
When God asks, “Is Ephraim My dear son?”, the implied answer in this context is “Yes!” The word “dear” (yaqqir) means “very precious” or “treasured.” This may seem surprising to us when we realize that the tribe of Ephraim had been “chastised” by God “like an untrained bull” for their sins (31:18a). Yet they cried out to the Lord to “restore” them and acknowledged that He was their God (31:18b).
You were not a perfect child growing up. Nor was I. But your earthly father may have been absent (physically or emotionally) or abusive. And this deeply wounded your heart and soul. And you may project your feelings toward your earthly father onto your heavenly Father. But God now says to you, “You are My precious and treasured son (or daughter).” Latch on to this truth and repeat it to yourself often. Get alone with Your heavenly Father and listen to His still and gentle voice whisper this truth in your ear. You are not a mistake nor are you worthless. You are God’s precious and treasured son or daughter. The more you focus on this truth, the more your brain will develop neurological pathways containing this truth. And the less you pay attention to the lies that degrade and shame you as a person, the weaker those neurological pathways will become that contain those lies.
When God asks, “Is he a pleasant child?”, again the implied answer is a resounding “Yes!” This word for “pleasant” (shaashuim) refers to being “a delight” or “an enjoyment” to God. This may seem surprising to you if you did not get your basic need to be seen met when you were growing up. You have perceived God to be distant and uncaring because your earthly father was distant and uncaring.
I want to talk for a moment about the importance of facing this wound in your life before God can heal it. I have met many Christians who have been conditioned by evangelical Christianity to deny any negative feelings towards a parent because we are supposed to honor them, right? Passive aggressiveness (ex. silent and withdrawn when angry, etc.) is often perceived by evangelicals to be more spiritual, but open and honest expressions of anger are the mark of immaturity to them. But let’s remember that God experiences and expresses anger (cf. Numbers 25:3; 2 Samuel 6:7; Psalm 2:5; 95:11; Matthew 21:12-13; 23:13-36; Mark 3:5; John 2:13-17; Romans 1:18; Revelation 16:19; 19:15), so anger in itself is not wrong. One of Jesus’ most angry expressions was toward those who mistreat children (Matthew 18:6-9). God says you are to “be angry and not sin” (Ephes. 4:26; cf. Psalm 4:4). Denying our anger or pushing our anger down inside of us is what leads to sin. Admiting our anger (or hurt) even toward an absent or abusive father (or father figure) is when we begin to take control of that anger and heal.
God’s next words in Jeremiah 31:20 say, “For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still. Therefore My heart yearns for him.” Even though God spoke against Ephraim as He disciplined him, He still remembered him with great affection and grace. The word “heart” (meeh) refers to one’s internal organs. The word “yearns” (hamah) means a deep-felt compassion or sympathy. God’s heart is breaking forth with a gut-level compassion and longing for His child!
The verse concludes with God saying, “I will surely have mercy on him.” The word “mercy” (racham) means “to have love or compassion.” This word is derived from the name of the most motherly organ in the human body: the womb. This is where the strongest connection of compassion and love are bonded between the mother and the baby, respectively. God’s mercy is much like the womb – it provides safety and soothing for God’s children. Softly and tenderly, God waits for Ephraim to return so He can pour His affection and love upon Him.
Let’s personalize this verse a little more. Substitue your name in place of the name “Ephraim” (a name for God’s people which includes you) and the pronouns referring to him. “Is _____ My dear son [or daughter]? Is _____ a pleasant child? For though I spoke against _____, I earnestly remember _____ still; Therefore My heart yearns for _____; I will surely have mercy on _____.”
Imagine God’s heart bursting with longing and love for you!?! This is the message that Jesus gave when He spoke of our Father in heaven (Matthew 7:7-11; Luke 15:20). We have a Father in heaven Who treasures each of His children. He cares so deeply and passionately for you. He yearns to be your Father now if you will let Him. No matter how old we are now, our true Father in heaven wants us to experience being His treasured sons (and daughters). But this requires the opening of our hearts to the Lord. Perhaps we shut our hearts down years ago as a means of protecting ourselves from the wounds we had from our earthly father or a father figure. God graciously and tenderly waits to draw near to us if we will let Him (James 4:8a).
We might ask ourselves, “Did I have a father with whom I felt safe and seen? Did I know I was treasured as his son or daughter?” Take some time to write out your answers and then answer the question, “Why or why not?” It is important that you tell your story, at least to yourself or even to God. He is waiting and He is listening. God is willing to go to great lengths to bring us back to the longing in our hearts to be His treasured son or daughter. Let’s pray.
Prayer: Father God, I have a deep need to know that I am Your beloved and treasured son in the depths of Your heart so much so that no one else can replace me there. I long to experience Your love deep inside the wounded areas of my soul. Please raise up the lonely and ashamed boy in me that longs to be held and prized by You. Give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear how precious and special I am to You. Thank You for Your mercy which soothes me and comforts me. Pa Pa, please heal and restore my soul as Your beloved and prized son. Honestly, I am going to need a lot of grace to believe it. Thanks heavenly Pa Pa. In Jesus’ name. Amen.