Wounds – See you in Heaven

Appendix 5 – Hindrances to Forgiveness Exercise

This exercise is adapted from Michael Dye’s The Genesis Process. [1]

All of us have been hurt and wounded by others, especially those we trusted. From beginning to end, the Bible emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. God even commands us to forgive (Ephes. 4:32). Therefore, Jesus taught us to pray, “¹² And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors… ¹⁴ For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6:12, 14-15). Forgiveness is so important because it is connected to God’s forgiveness of us. I cannot enjoy fellowship or closeness with God the Father if I am not willing to forgive those who have hurt me. Being unforgiving connects us to our past hurts and makes it difficult to fully enjoy the blessings of our relationship with God and with other people.

One of the ways we can know we have not forgiven someone is we keep rehearsing bitter and defensive thoughts toward those who have hurt us. We keep going “back to court” in our minds with all the things we wish we had said or want to say to them. [2] God invites us to release the hurt others have caused to us. Forgiveness requires the cancelling of a debt (cf. Matt. 18:21-35). Perhaps the person who has hurt us owes us an apology, justice, money, repentance, restoration, suffering, understanding, etc. God wants us to cancel the debt they owe us.

There are three things that can hinder us from forgiving others: judgments, vows, and false beliefs. [3] When someone hurts us, we can hold on to judgments about them out of fear. We don’t realize it, but our judgments are an attempt to protect ourselves from painful memories associated with our abusers. We may judge their motives and try to read their minds. We tell ourselves, “He or she is evil, selfish, and does not care about me or love me.” Christ warns us about making such judgments (Matt. 7:1-2). These judgments can cause heart wounds that keep us from healing and growing. When we refuse to forgive that person, we can bind ourselves to the person we are judging and become more like that person.It is important to repent or change our minds about our judgments and ask God to release the person and ourselves from the consequences. [4]

Not only do judgments about our offenders hinder us from forgiving them, but so do the vows we make. Jesus opposed the practice of distorting vows so they could convey or conceal a lie (Matt. 5:33-35). We can make inner vows to survive the hurts we have suffered. For example, when a person I trusted hurts me, I may make an inner vow that says, “I will never trust anyone again!” Or “If I need others, they will take advantage of me!” These types of vows can become self-curses that result in isolation and loneliness, which cause us even more pain. These inner vows can often become subconscious and do not disappear with time. They are like a contract that must be renounced or broken. It is important to ask God to forgive us and break these vows we have made. [5]

False beliefs or lies can also prevent us from forgiving others. We may tell ourselves, “If I forgive them, they will get off the hook and there will never be any justice.” But the truth is, only God knows what is just (Rom. 12:19). Or “If I forgive, I will become vulnerable to them again.” The truth is that just because you forgive them does not mean that they are safe, and you must trust them again. They must earn your trust. For reconciliation on a horizontal level to take place, the perpetrator must apologize, repent or change his mind and behavior, and ask for forgiveness (Matt. 18:15-18; Luke 17:3-4). [6]

Forgiveness is so important because it gives us the ability to move on in life. Being unforgiving connects us to our past hurts and makes it difficult to receive the blessings of new relationships. Forgiveness occurs when the one who was wounded cancels the debt owed to him or her. When we forgive, we are free from those who hurt us. [7]

If you are struggling to forgive your perpetrator(s), take some time today to do this exercise: [8]

1. Ask God to reveal to you the people who have hurt you. Make a list. Start with those closest to you (e.g., your parents, siblings, spouse, children, or a close friend; etc.). Do the exercise with them one at a time. Think about the people whom you still “go back to court with” in your mind:

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2. Wounds: What he or she did to you that hurt you: abandoned, abused, betrayed, criticized, lied, misrepresented, neglected, rejected, etc. What was the wound(s)?

______________________________________________

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3. Judgments (Matt. 7:1-2): The things you believe about them: e.g., they are evil, lazy, selfish, stupid, weak, didn’t love me, didn’t care for me, etc.). What are your judgments?

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Repent of these judgments and ask God to release the person and yourself from the consequences (Matt. 7:1-2).

4. Vows (Matt. 5:33-35): Vows can be like self-cures, promises you told yourself to survive the wound(s), e.g.,“I don’t need or trust anyone,” or “whatever I do, it won’t be enough,” or “all men/women are ______,” etc.

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Renounce and repent of these vows, asking God to forgive you and to break them.

5. Effect on You: What effect did the wound have on you (How did you cope)? Addiction, anger, anxiety, codependency, depression, food, isolation, stress, workaholism, etc.?

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6. Their Debt: What debt do they owe you? What would they have to do for you to trust them again? Apologize, change their behavior, experience humiliation, justice, make restitution, money, repent, seek your forgiveness, suffer, etc.

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Talk to the Lord, asking Him to make you both willing and able to cancel their debt as He has already cancelled yours to Him through Christ (Matt. 18:23-33; Ephes. 4:32).

7. False Beliefs. What false belief or lie is keeping you from forgiving them? Say the following false beliefs below to yourself to see if they feel true. If they do, then meditate on the true beliefs until the false beliefs no longer feel true. There are blank spaces at the end where you can write in the false belief(s) and true belief(s) that are not on the list.

False belief: If I forgive them, they will get off the hook and there will never be any justice.

True belief: Only God knows what is just (Rom. 12:19).

False belief: Forgiveness means I must pretend that nothing ever happened.

True belief: Forgiveness is not denial. You must tell yourself the truth about what they did and how it affected you to really be able to forgive them from the heart (Matt. 18:35; John 8:32).

False belief: If I forgive, I will become vulnerable to them again.

True belief: Just because you forgive them doesn’t mean that they are safe, and you must trust them again (Matt. 18:15-18; Luke 17:3-4).

False belief: My unforgiveness punishes them and is justified because I am right; they will never see their wrong and repent if I let go.

True belief: The truth is, it is God’s mercy and kindness that leads us to repentance. Only He knows what will change them (Rom. 2:4; Ephes. 4:24-32).

False belief: _____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

True belief: _____________________________________________

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False belief: _____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

True belief: _____________________________________________

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8. Forgiveness Prayer (Matt. 6:12, 14-15). If you are ready, insert the name of the person you have chosen to forgive into the following prayer of forgiveness. You may want to say it in your own words but be sure to include all the elements.

Forgiveness Prayer:

Father God, Your Word says that to be forgiven, I must forgive. And so, I come to You in the name of Jesus, in obedience and love, and I bring (name) _____ before You. I cancel _____ debt to me (e.g., apology, change of behavior, humiliation, justice, restitution, money, repent, seek forgiveness, suffer, etc.). I choose to forgive this hurt against me, and I ask that You not hold these sins against _____ on my account. I release _____ from any desire on my part to see _____ punished. In fact, as You have told me to do, I bless _____ in Your Son’s name, Jesus. You know _____ desires, needs, and hurts. You know what would bless _____. And so, I ask that You pour out Your love and healing to _____ and bring _____ Your highest good, because Your name is Good and Love, and You are not willing that any should perish. Now also, Father, please heal my heart and set me free to love _____ as You do. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

9. The Truth sets you free (John 8:36): Pray and ask God to show you this person as He sees them. Ask Him to show you what is true. One of the great mysteries of God is that He loves the perpetrator as much as the victim. Write down any insights God gives to you as you pray.

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10. Is there anything God wants you to do to heal this relationship? Check with your counselor or discipleship group before you take any action.

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FOOTNOTES:

[1] Adapted from Michael Dye’s The Genesis Process: For Change Groups Books 1 and 2 Individual Workbook (Michael Dye/Double Eagle Industries, 2012), pp. 123-133.

[2] Ibid., pp. 123-124.

[3] Ibid., pp. 126-128.

[4] Ibid., pg. 129.

[5] Ibid., pp. 127-128, 130.

[6] Ibid., pg. 128.

[7] Ibid.

[8] Adapted from Ibid., pp. 129 -133.

How can I overcome my sinful addictions? – Part 2

“³¹Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. ³²And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’ ” John 8:31-32

Addictions are often fueled by shame-based lies that are inserted into the limbic system of our (right) brains when trauma takes place in our lives. The limbic system is usually programmed by the time we are six years old. Our prefrontal cortex (our moral and impulse control system) of the (left) brain is not developed until we are twenty-five years of age. Over ninety-eight percent of the decisions we make in life are done subconsciously in the limbic system. So much of our lives are directed by patterns of the past.

Also, the limbic system is programmed to help us cope and survive, and coping behavior is at the core of addictive behavior. When we take sinful coping mechanisms and make them a lifestyle, we experience bondage.

Most addicts have wounds that were caused during childhood or adolescence that fuel their addictions as adults. For example, when a six-year old boy is brutally raped and then threatened by his rapist, Satan can easily insert a lie associated with that intense trauma that says, “This happened to me because I am bad.” That little boy grows up believing this lie. At the core of his being he believes he is flawed and that no one could possibly love him if they knew him. The shame from this lie leads him to turn to sexual addiction as an adult to numb the pain from his unresolved trauma.

Trauma comes in many forms and it can be experienced as a child and as an adult. High intensity trauma such as military combat, a natural disaster, physical or sexual abuse, the death of a family member, or divorce can leave deep wounds within one’s soul. But one does not have to experience intense trauma to struggle with shame-based lies and addictions. You may have experienced low intensity trauma that takes place frequently such as neglect, verbal rejection, minimal affection, teasing by a stepbrother, having few friends, etc. The cumulative effect of low intensity trauma can be just as damaging as high intensity trauma.

However, not everyone who has an addiction has major wounds or trauma. Some people turn to addictions when they feel stressed to medicate their pain. In other words they have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms or sinful addictions to deal with their stress.

Our sinful addictions do not stop with believing in Christ for His gift of everlasting life. That is only the beginning. I must also CONTINUE IN CHRIST’S WORD (John 8:31-32). The Bible says, “³¹Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. ³²And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’ ” (John 8:31-32). To “abide” (menō) in Christ’s Word means “to continue or remain” in Jesus’ teaching – literally, “to make one’s home at.” Where we make our home is where we spend our time. The Jews knew a lot of Scripture, but they did not know the Author of the Scriptures. “Knowing the truth” means knowing Christ who is the truth (John 14:6; cf. 8:32, 36).

How do I abide in Christ’s Word? Early in my Christian life I learned a method of abiding in Christ’s Word that was primarily for my left brain, not my right brain or limbic system. That method basically focused on downloading biblical data into my left brain through reading, studying, and memorizing Scripture. But keep in mind that most of our decision making takes place in the right brain, albeit at an unconscious level. So if all I am doing is downloading Scripture into my left brain, I am going to experience little transformation. In the last year I have learned a new method of abiding in Christ’s Word that is for both the left and right parts of the brain. This method involves an acrostic, S.W.O.R.D., from Seven Pillars of Freedom by Dr. Ted Roberts:

S – Scripture. For over twenty years, I have read through the entire Bible each year. I was so busy reading through my required passages to get through the Bible in a year, that it became another hurried thing I did in my busy schedule. But now, I approach God’s Word meditatively – not to analyze or criticize the Word, but to be analyzed and challenged by God’s Word. So first, I write God’s Word down on paper. Writing it down will help your thoughts to slow down and focus on the truth of the Scripture.

W – Wait. Read the Scripture again on your knees if possible. Read it aloud slowly and attentively. Then pause to let the passage sink in. Read the Scripture again, this time asking yourself the following questions, “What do I see? What do I hear? What do I feel? Where am I in this passage?” Finally read the passage again noticing what word or words grab your attention. Focus on those words. Chew on them for a few minutes. We have a tendency to intellectualize Scripture instead of experience God’s Word. During the waiting, we want to involve multiple senses – sight, hearing, feelings, touch, etc., to come to our observation about God, ourselves, and others.

O – Observe. Take a seat and write down what you observed in the Scripture. When we journal the Scriptures, we retain sixty percent more of what we learn. What truth do you discover in these verses? How does God see me and how do I see God and me? This will clarify your thought processes and involve another whole section of your brain.

R – Request that the Holy Spirit help you see how all of this applies to your life. This is not an academic process but a process of the heart. You are specifically asking the Word to analyze you instead of you analyzing the Word. This often triggers a neurochemical cascade of new understanding where your mind is being renewed.

D – Dedicate. What helps us from being just touched by God to being transformed is the commitment of our heart and will. Trying harder will not get us headed in the right direction when it comes to freedom from our addictions. But once the Holy Spirit gets us headed in the right direction, dedicating ourselves to that direction in life will transform us.

We may avoid applying biblical truth because it is painful or difficult. Jesus said if you abide in His Word, “you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32). But at first the truth may make you miserable! What is the opposite of truth? It is error or lies. God’s Word exposes the lies we believe that keep us enslaved to sin. The truth reveals our motives, points out our faults, rebukes our sin, and expects us to change. It is human nature to resist change, so applying God’s Word is hard work.

That’s why I cannot stress enough the importance of being a part of a discipleship relationship with other believers. In fact, notice what Jesus said, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.” (John 8:31b). The path to freedom from our addictions is discipleship. We were wounded in the context of relationships, and we are healed in the context of relationships – healthy relationships. We always learn from others truths we would never learn on our own. Other people will help you see insights you would miss and help you apply God’s truth in a practical way. They can also help hold you accountable and I know I need that, don’t you?

Before I conclude this article, I want to give you an assignment to do. I want you to make a chart (see above) consisting of four columns and ten rows under each column’s heading. The first column is entitled “Worst Moments.” In this column, write down your ten worst or most painful moments in your life. The second column is entitled, “Limbic Lies.” In this column, write down the lie or lies attached to your worst moments. The third column is entitled “Scripture/Truth.” In this column, ask the Holy Spirit to help you identify the truth He wants you to apply to that painful moment in place of the lie you already identified. Write out the Bible verse and truth about yourself that it communicates. The fourth column is entitled “Destiny.” In this column, write down what that verse says about your destiny. Spend time this week speaking these truths when you find yourself thinking or speaking their corresponding lies.

Let me give you an example of this exercise. I will relate it to the six-year old boy I mentioned earlier. In the “Worst Moments” column, you would write, “When I was six years old, I was brutally raped.” In the “Limbic Lies” column, you might write, “I am bad because of what happened to me.” In the “Scripture/Truth” column, you could write, “I am precious to Jesus because of what happened to Him.” (Matthew 13:45-46; I Corinthians 6:19-20). In the “Destiny” column, you could write, “Because my worth is based on what Jesus has done and not what was done to me, I no longer need to try to prove my value through what I do.”

The more we abide in Christ’s Word, the more we shall know the truth which can set us free from the lies that fuel our sinful addictions. You may have been through some terrible trauma that has left you deeply wounded. Your life may be driven by shame-based lies that drive your sinful addictions. You may have asked yourself, “Where was Jesus when this happened to me?” I want to encourage you, if you are a believer in Jesus, to invite Him to walk with you through that trauma. And as you do this, ask the Holy Spirit to help you answer the following questions:

Where was Jesus when this happened to me?

What look do I see on His face?

And what truth would He say to me soon after this happened?

Christ cares for those who struggle with addictions. I believe the more we encounter the radical love of Jesus Christ amidst our trauma, the deeper His healing will be of our wounds. Healing that is based upon His truth. Getting the truth down into our souls is what brings change and freedom from sinful addictions. Knowing the truth is not just a point of head knowledge; it is relational, it is intimate, and it is expressed through action.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, You have taught me so much about what drives my sinful addictions. The primary fuel that has driven them are the wounds from unresolved trauma in my life and the lies attached to them. Lord Jesus, since You are God, You are able to walk with me through those wounds and the trauma that caused them. Thank You so much for speaking Your truth to me when You have walked with me through them. Some of my trauma is because of my own choices while some of my trauma is caused by the choices of others. Regardless of the cause, I pray the Holy Spirit will reveal any deception in my life that has caused me to remain in bondage. Please shed light on the dark places of my life, areas that no one else can seem to reach, not even those who love me the most. Cleanse me and soften my heart and help me renew my mind so that You can use me. Regardless of how painful this process may be or how long it takes, I commit myself into Your loving hands. I am so grateful to have a Father like You. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

What is God like?

“No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him.” John 1:18

What is God like? Let’s see what some fifth graders said when their teacher at a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. God is like BAYER ASPIRIN. He works miracles. God is like a FORD. He’s got a better idea. God is like COKE. He’s the real thing. God is like HALLMARK CARDS. He cares enough to send His very best. God is like TIDE. He gets the stains out that others leave behind. God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC. He brings good things to life. God is like SEARS. He has everything. God is like ALKA-SELTZER. Try Him, you’ll like Him. God is like SCOTCH TAPE. You can’t see Him, but you know He’s there. God is like DELTA. He’s ready when you are.

On a more serious note, what would you say God is like? Many people have misconceptions about God that are rooted in their family of origin. We think that God will resemble our parents or authority figures from our childhood (cf. Psalm 50:21). Look at some common misconceptions about God from Sandra Wilson’s, Released from Shame Revised Edition (2002), pp. 142-143:

– “The cruel and unpredictable God” is the most extreme distortion of God’s nature and is found among those who received brutal and unpredictable abuse in childhood most often at the hands of their fathers, stepfathers, or father figures. If you are one of the bruised believers who experienced severe physical or sexual abuse as a child, this might be the way you see God and you understandably struggle to trust your Father in heaven.

– “The demanding and unforgiving God” is often the view that Christian adults have whose parents were rigid and perfectionistic. No matter how hard you try, you can never measure up to the demands of this distorted deity who does not forgive nor forget your sins. When you fail, watch out! His cruel side is manifested. He seems to delight in sending financial disaster or physical disease to emphasize His intolerance of your spiritual failures. Understandably, it is difficult for you to approach Him and experience His forgiveness and love.

– “The selective and unfair God” is a distorted view of God found among Christian adults who experienced spiritual abuse by parental authorities in childhood. This might be the God you worship if you feel Jesus has revealed Himself more fully to other Christians who, in turn have a deeper relationship with Him than you do. You probably struggle with being a different and “less-than” Christian.

– “The distant and unavailable God” may care about His worshipers, but He is off somewhere running the universe and cannot get too involved in their lives. If your parents were physically or emotionally unavailable through prolonged absences, perhaps because of death, divorce, illness, military duty, working overseas, or neglect, you may experience God as eternally distant and unavailable.

– “The kind but confused God” is a clumsy and powerless deity who is confused by all the chaos in the world. If you had parents who were overwhelmed by uncontrollable chaos in their lives and your family, you may have this view of God.

Do any of these misconceptions about God resonate with you? If so, our verse today will be especially meaningful to you. John the Baptist says, “No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him” (John 1:18). We can know what God is like by looking at Jesus Christ.

John begins by saying, “No one has seen God at any time” (1:18a). You may wonder, “How can this be true when the Bible speaks of people seeing God?”(e.g. Exodus 33:21-23; Isaiah 6:1-5; Revelation 1:10-18). Those encounters with God did not reveal the fullness of His glory or His unveiled divine essence. If people saw God’s unveiled glory or divine essence, they would not live (cf. Exodus 33:20).

The only One Who can and has seen God in the fullness of His glory and divine essence without dying, is His Son, Jesus Christ (John 6:46). The reason Jesus could do this is because He also is God. He has the same divine nature as God the Father. For example, when people say of a man named Clarence Smith, “He is the son of John Smith,” they are acknowledging that he has the same human nature as his father. Likewise, when the Bible says that Jesus is “the Son of God” (John 20:31), it is affirming that Jesus has the same divine nature as His Father in heaven.

This is why we can discover what God is like by knowing His “only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father” (1:18b). The phrase “only begotten Son” does not mean Jesus had a beginning like a baby that is birthed by his parents, as many false religions teach today. The compound Greek word translated “only begotten” is monogenḗs, which literally means “one (monos) of a kind (genos).” Jesus Christ is the only One of His kind. He is fully God (John 1:1-3) and fully Man (John 1:14). This is the message of the gospel of John.

The writer of this gospel, the apostle John, goes to great lengths to show Jesus’ deity (John 1:1, 34, 49; 5:16-47; 6:69; 8:57-59; 10:30-33; 11:27; 20:28; et. al). Jesus was unlike any other Person who has walked on this earth. In the Old Testament, the phrase “I Am” is how God identified Himself to Moses at the burning bush (Exodus 3:13-14). “I Am” is also how Jesus identified Himself to the people of Israel. He makes several “I AM” statements in the gospel of John: “I am the bread of life” (John 6:35), “I am the door” (John 10:9), “I am the Good Shepherd” (John 10:14), “I am the Resurrection and the Life” (John 11:25), “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life” (John 14:6), “I am the true Vine” (15:1). Each one of these staggering statements attested to the fact that Jesus was and is God.

Jesus also claimed to be equal with God and to be God Himself (John 5:17-18; John 10:10-33). This is why His enemies wanted to kill Jesus for blasphemy (Leviticus 20:10; cf. John 5:18; 8:59; 10:31-33; 11:8). For example, when Jesus said, “He and the Father are one” (John 10:30), the Jews understood Him to claim to be God. They said, “For a good work we do not stone You, but for blasphemy, and because You, being a Man, make Yourself God” (John 10:33).

Did Muhammed, the founder of Islam, Buddha, the founder of Buddhism, Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, or Charles Taze Russell, the founder of Jehovah Witnesses, claim to be equal with God? Jesus Christ not only claimed to be God, He proved He was God through His works (John 1-12), the greatest of which was His resurrection from the dead (John 20:1-18; cf. Romans 1:3-4)! Hallelujah brothers and sisters in Christ! What a precious Lord and Savior we have in Jesus Christ!

John also goes to great lengths to show Jesus’ humanity (John 1:14; 4:6; 11:35; 12:27; 19:28; et. al). Jesus had brothers and sisters like you and me (John 2:12; 7:3, 5; cf: Mark 6:3). Christ ate food and got thirsty just like you and me (John 19:28; 21:12, 15; cf. Matthew 9:11; 11:19; Mark 2:16; Luke 7:34). He experienced physical fatigue and even slept (John 4:6; cf. Matthew 8:24; Mark 4:38; Luke 8:23). Why? He became a man without ceasing to be God so He could understand what it is like for you and me to have family, food, and fatigue. The God of the Bible is not some distant uncaring deity like the religions of the world. He understands our needs and He came to earth to meet our most fundamental needs to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure.

When John says that Jesus was “is in the bosom of the Father” (John 1:18b), he is referring to Christ’s very close and intimate relationship with God the Father. The word “bosom” (kolpos) refers to the upper part of the chest where a garment naturally folded to form a pocket. The picture here is that of a son resting his head on the chest of his father, experiencing a very close and intimate relationship with him. Jesus had the closest and most intimate relationship with God the Father. He knows the heart of God the Father better than anyone because His head often rested upon His Father’s chest in eternity past.

Who better to tell others what a Person is like than the One who is closest to that Person and has known Him the longest in an intimate relationship!?! There is no one more qualified to tell us what God is like than the only begotten Son of God who has known God the Father forever in the closest of relationships with Him.

This is why John then says, “He has declared Him” (John 1:18c). The word “declared” (eksēgéomai) is where we get our English words, “exegete” and “exegesis” from. In seminary, we learned to “exegete” or explain God’s Word, the Bible. We were taught to “read out” of the Bible God’s intended meaning through a grammatical, historical, and literal interpretation instead of “reading into” the Bible our own biases and assumptions.

God the Son, Jesus Christ, has “exegeted”or “explained, interpreted, or narrated” what God the Father is like. Jesus is more qualified than anyone else to explain what God the Father is like because He, being God, knows God the Father longer and more intimately than anyone else.

For some of you reading this article, it may be very difficult for you to perceive God as your Father because you have been deeply wounded by your own earthly father through his absence or even his abuse towards you. You may detest the thought of God being a Father because your own earthly father caused you a lot of pain. Hence, you want nothing to do with fathers.

Please understand that God the Father is nothing like your absent or abusive father on earth. God wants you to know Him for Who He truly is. And there is no one more qualified to reveal God the Father to you than Jesus Christ.

This is why Jesus said, “He who sees Me sees Him [the Father] who sent Me” (John 12:45). He also said, “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him” (John 14:7).Christ said, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father” (John 14:9b) because Jesus is the perfect reflection of the Father.

If you want to know God the Father, get to know His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, because He is God in human flesh (John 1:1, 14; Titus 2:13; I Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 1:8; I John 5:20). You can begin a relationship with God the Son and God the Father through faith. Jesus said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life” (John 5:24).

To believe in the Father Who sent Jesus is the same as believing in Jesus because Christ is the perfect reflection of the Father, being God Himself. This is why Jesus could say, “He who believes in Me, believes not in Me but in Him who sent Me” (John 12:44).

Jesus said, “he who hears My word and believes…” (John 5:24a). Have you heard Jesus’ promise of everlasting life and believed it? If so, Jesus guarantees the person who has heard and believed that he now “has [present tense] everlasting life” (John 5:24b). You do not have to wait until you die to experience everlasting life. If you have heard Jesus’ promise of everlasting life (John 3:16) and believed it, you can now experience His forever life every day of your life on earth and beyond!!!

Christ also guarantees to the one who has heard and believed His promise of eternal life that he “shall not [future tense] come into judgment” for his sins in the future (John 5:24c). Why? Because Jesus was judged on the cross for all of our sins when He died, and God the Father was satisfied with Jesus’ payment for our sins (I John 2:2). Therefore, we will never be eternally punished for our sins if we have heard and believed Jesus’ promise of everlasting life.

Lastly, Jesus promises that the one who has heard and believed His promise of everlasting life “has passed [past tense] from death into life” (John 5:24d). This means that eternal death is behind you, not ahead of you. It is past, not present or future. You are now in the sphere of “life” or relationship with God. When God looks at our life after we believe in Christ, what does He see? He sees only the blood of His Son and His goodness in our lives (Ephesians 1:7; Revelation 1:5; 12:11). In the sphere of “life,” God has no charge against the believer (Romans 8:33). The believer is “justified” (“declared totally righteous”) of all things based on his or her faith in Christ (Romans 4:5). All our sin has been covered by the goodness of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). We are seen by God as completely holy and perfect because of His grace (Ephesians 1:4). That’s why God can let us into heaven when we die if we have believed in Christ as our Savior.

Prayer: Precious Lord Jesus, thank You for coming to earth to explain what God the Father is like so I may have a very close and intimate relationship with Him and You. Please help me to see the Father as full of grace and truth like You. Renew my mind so I may see You both as You truly are – abounding in goodness, grace, love, mercy, and truth. Please bring healing to those who have been deeply wounded by their earthly fathers so they may approach You as a good good Father who infinitely and unconditionally loves them. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I am my Father’s treasured son

“ ‘Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a pleasant child? For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still; Therefore My heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord.’ ” Jeremiah 31:20

When I was a young boy growing up on a dairy farm in Illinois, one of my most treasured memories was playing catch with my Dad. He nicknamed me Tiger as I learned to throw a football with a spiral and catch it with both hands. With each word of affirmation from my father, I felt seen and valued.

There are four basic needs of every human being from the womb to the tomb and they are to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure. When I played catch with my father, I felt seen. I felt treasured in his eyes. When these four needs are met, there is trust. We feel loved and cared for. We learn to depend on God and others to meet these needs.

But when a man does not have these four basic needs met especially from his earthly father, it leaves him with gigantic holes or wounds in his soul. And he may try to cope with these wounds by medicating them with various behaviors, emotions, and substances called addictions. Addictions are really the pursuit of intimacy. But they fail to deliver. They actually leave us more broken and wounded. But when we experience God’s love in the depths of our souls, the wounds in our souls can be healed.

With this in mind, I want to focus on a single verse in Jeremiah 31. In this chapter of Jeremiah, God is speaking to His broken people whom He was carrying from Jerusalem into captivity in Babylon because of their rebellion against the Lord. But in this chapter He affirms that He still loved His chosen people with an “everlasting love” (31:3a) and would restore them back to the Promised Land in the future (cf. 31:4-40).

What got my attention in this chapter was what God said to the Northern Kingdom of Ephraim in verse 20: “Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a pleasant child? For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still; Therefore My heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord.” This verse speaks to those of us who long to be fathered by God. You are a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ (John 1:12), but you have been wounded and you want to know that God sees you and values you.

When God asks, “Is Ephraim My dear son?”, the implied answer in this context is “Yes!” The word “dear” (yaqqir) means “very precious” or “treasured.” This may seem surprising to us when we realize that the tribe of Ephraim had been “chastised” by God “like an untrained bull” for their sins (31:18a). Yet they cried out to the Lord to “restore” them and acknowledged that He was their God (31:18b).

You were not a perfect child growing up. Nor was I. But your earthly father may have been absent (physically or emotionally) or abusive. And this deeply wounded your heart and soul. And you may project your feelings toward your earthly father onto your heavenly Father. But God now says to you, “You are My precious and treasured son (or daughter).” Latch on to this truth and repeat it to yourself often. Get alone with Your heavenly Father and listen to His still and gentle voice whisper this truth in your ear. You are not a mistake nor are you worthless. You are God’s precious and treasured son or daughter. The more you focus on this truth, the more your brain will develop neurological pathways containing this truth. And the less you pay attention to the lies that degrade and shame you as a person, the weaker those neurological pathways will become that contain those lies.

When God asks, “Is he a pleasant child?”, again the implied answer is a resounding “Yes!” This word for “pleasant” (shaashuim) refers to being “a delight” or “an enjoyment” to God. This may seem surprising to you if you did not get your basic need to be seen met when you were growing up. You have perceived God to be distant and uncaring because your earthly father was distant and uncaring.

I want to talk for a moment about the importance of facing this wound in your life before God can heal it. I have met many Christians who have been conditioned by evangelical Christianity to deny any negative feelings towards a parent because we are supposed to honor them, right? Passive aggressiveness (ex. silent and withdrawn when angry, etc.) is often perceived by evangelicals to be more spiritual, but open and honest expressions of anger are the mark of immaturity to them. But let’s remember that God experiences and expresses anger (cf. Numbers 25:3; 2 Samuel 6:7; Psalm 2:5; 95:11; Matthew 21:12-13; 23:13-36; Mark 3:5; John 2:13-17; Romans 1:18; Revelation 16:19; 19:15), so anger in itself is not wrong. One of Jesus’ most angry expressions was toward those who mistreat children (Matthew 18:6-9). God says you are to “be angry and not sin” (Ephes. 4:26; cf. Psalm 4:4). Denying our anger or pushing our anger down inside of us is what leads to sin. Admiting our anger (or hurt) even toward an absent or abusive father (or father figure) is when we begin to take control of that anger and heal.

God’s next words in Jeremiah 31:20 say, “For though I spoke against him, I earnestly remember him still. Therefore My heart yearns for him.” Even though God spoke against Ephraim as He disciplined him, He still remembered him with great affection and grace. The word “heart” (meeh) refers to one’s internal organs. The word “yearns” (hamah) means a deep-felt compassion or sympathy. God’s heart is breaking forth with a gut-level compassion and longing for His child!

The verse concludes with God saying, “I will surely have mercy on him.” The word “mercy” (racham) means “to have love or compassion.” This word is derived from the name of the most motherly organ in the human body: the womb. This is where the strongest connection of compassion and love are bonded between the mother and the baby, respectively. God’s mercy is much like the womb – it provides safety and soothing for God’s children. Softly and tenderly, God waits for Ephraim to return so He can pour His affection and love upon Him.

Let’s personalize this verse a little more. Substitue your name in place of the name “Ephraim” (a name for God’s people which includes you) and the pronouns referring to him. “Is _____ My dear son [or daughter]? Is _____ a pleasant child? For though I spoke against _____, I earnestly remember _____ still; Therefore My heart yearns for _____; I will surely have mercy on _____.”

Imagine God’s heart bursting with longing and love for you!?! This is the message that Jesus gave when He spoke of our Father in heaven (Matthew 7:7-11; Luke 15:20). We have a Father in heaven Who treasures each of His children. He cares so deeply and passionately for you. He yearns to be your Father now if you will let Him. No matter how old we are now, our true Father in heaven wants us to experience being His treasured sons (and daughters). But this requires the opening of our hearts to the Lord. Perhaps we shut our hearts down years ago as a means of protecting ourselves from the wounds we had from our earthly father or a father figure. God graciously and tenderly waits to draw near to us if we will let Him (James 4:8a).

We might ask ourselves, “Did I have a father with whom I felt safe and seen? Did I know I was treasured as his son or daughter?” Take some time to write out your answers and then answer the question, “Why or why not?” It is important that you tell your story, at least to yourself or even to God. He is waiting and He is listening. God is willing to go to great lengths to bring us back to the longing in our hearts to be His treasured son or daughter. Let’s pray.

Prayer: Father God, I have a deep need to know that I am Your beloved and treasured son in the depths of Your heart so much so that no one else can replace me there. I long to experience Your love deep inside the wounded areas of my soul. Please raise up the lonely and ashamed boy in me that longs to be held and prized by You. Give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear how precious and special I am to You. Thank You for Your mercy which soothes me and comforts me. Pa Pa, please heal and restore my soul as Your beloved and prized son. Honestly, I am going to need a lot of grace to believe it. Thanks heavenly Pa Pa. In Jesus’ name. Amen.